Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The Numbers Game -- Ode to A Happy Medium
When the reviewers are slow,
Our numbers dip low,
And the brass assumes it’s our fault.
When we drop 'neath average,
The reviewers think us savage,
Bringing our fun to a halt.
When the numbers are high,
Our brains do fry,
But ne'er do we gain exalt.
We must hold firm in the mean,
To keep them keen,
And show we’re worth our salt.
So when next Doug calls
To break our balls,
I'll need not fear
About my career,
and I'll continue to line my vault...
Our numbers dip low,
And the brass assumes it’s our fault.
When we drop 'neath average,
The reviewers think us savage,
Bringing our fun to a halt.
When the numbers are high,
Our brains do fry,
But ne'er do we gain exalt.
We must hold firm in the mean,
To keep them keen,
And show we’re worth our salt.
So when next Doug calls
To break our balls,
I'll need not fear
About my career,
and I'll continue to line my vault...
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Mr. McCain...
He's cute ain't he? Only problem is, he's got a little bit a Mississippi Leg Hound in him. If the mood catches him rite, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. You don't want him around if your wearing short pants, if you know what I mean. Word of warning though, if he does lay into ya, it's best to just let him finish.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
The Straw Man Campaign
As many of you no doubt know, I have been following the campaign very closely this year. Watching the train wreck of the Straight Talk Express is just too tempting, almost like the rubbernecking that occurs as you pass by the gruesome scene of a highway fatality. It’s quite repulsive and haunts you in your dreams, but for some reason you always want see more gore and know more fine details about how the steering column punctured the drivers lungs, causing him to choke to death on his own blood. Well… such is the nature of Election 2008. Anyways, as I was watching some coverage last night, I finally realized something. John McCain is throwing the election!
“Why,” you may ask?
The answer is kind of drawn out an complicated, but I believe I’ve presented a solid case:
Exhibit A: Election 2000
If any of you followed politics before the 2000 Election, you may know that John McCain DID, indeed, build his reputation as a Maverick. He was a ‘take no bullshit, give no bullshit’ type of politician, which is a stance I can respect. It wasn’t until a few years after his defeat that he began to fall into step with his party and his president. He was one of the few republicans that I ever would have considered voting for, at least at the time (though if it would have been a Gore vs. McCain election, I would probably have still voted for Nader…)
As fate would have it though, the republican base was really fired up about the “crazy liberals” and their “blow job antics,” so they wanted a candidate endorsed by God himself. As the fairytale goes, George W. Bush was handpicked by God, and there’s no bigger endorsement than that! John McCain never stood a chance against that, particularly when W’s underhanded campaign strategies now famously known as the “Swiftboat Attacks” caused the longtime senator to second-guess the integrity of his party. Considering his long reputation of bucking his own party when it is at odds with his staunch personal beliefs (for instance, when he advocated strongly against Bush’s tax cuts for those making > $250k annually. I’m paraphrasing here, but he harped on how the tax cuts were unethical and unfair to the middle class, because trickle down economics only work in a vacuum where there doesn’t exist greed), McCain even flirted with the notion of jumping ship altogether and maybe declaring himself Independent or even switching to the Democratic party.
Enter Primary Season 2007-2008:
As we all know by now, this was an election cycle in which it would have been nearly impossible for any Republican candidate to win. Ok… maybe impossible is kind of a strong word considering that somehow W won a second term… but if any Republican stood a remote chance at holding the office it was John McCain with his long history of “maverickyness.” Just take a look at how he absolutely decimated his competition even within his own party, which is quite impressive considering how the GOP has historically been a little icy in regards to McCain because he often disagreed with them on some of their most non-issue issues.
As any political pundit could tell you, in the current electoral environment it is literally impossible for any candidate to take the office, given only the support of his/her base. It is necessary to win over the majority of independents and undecided (read: retarded) voters as well. This is something that the McCain of 2000 could have done very easily, and probably something he could have done very easily this cycle as well had he not chosen to become yet another drone in the Republican hamster wheel over the past several years (voting with Bush over 90% of the time). Hell… even with his recent departure from “maverickyness,” most of the voting public is too dumb to realize that a historical record of reform means nothing if the current attitude is lock-in-step to the party that even the most retarded of undecided voters know we need to remove from office. Furthermore, John McCain is not George W. Bush, as anyone can tell, thus it is not necessarily a given that the current policies would continue to lead us further into a downward spiral during his presidency, incumbent party or not.
John McCain was poised to win the election before it even started. The base of the republican party, a ravenous group of rednecks, would never in a million years vote for a black man (or even a half-black man for that matter). There would maybe be a few stragglers that dislike McCain enough to jump party or abstain from voting, but very likely not nearly enough to have any significant effect. So… John McCain had a secure base, a wealth of experience against one of the most inexperienced candidates in history, so all he needed to do was win over some independents: an easy task for a “maverick” like McCain, particularly if he chose an ex-Democrat liberal-leaning Independent such as Joe Lieberman (AKA douche, but once again I digress…) as had been speculated by many pundits to be the most likely choice, and probably his best shot at winning.
Exhibit B: Sarah Palin
So what does John McCain do? He panders to his base! If this was the John McCain of 2000, it may have been a wise idea, but given McCain’s most recent history of following his base, it really wasn’t necessary. Instead, McCain chose the most inexperienced, backwater, rifle-totin’est, moose-huntin’est, rootin’ tootin’ redneck woman in the national political arena as his running mate. At first glance it seemed as if it was all over for us liberals because of the sexist Hilary voters who would rather vote for another woman… ANY woman over a male candidate who shares their ideals but just so happened to defeat their messiah… even if that woman would seek to turn the women’s rights movement retrograde.
John McCain may not have the most impressive academic credentials, but he’s a frickin’ political dinosaur! He knows better than we do what he needed to do to win, regardless of how “out-of-touch” he is accused of being. If the Republican electorate machine were really so naïve, there is absolutely no way we would have seen a second term of W. He had to have known that there would be enough time for the women voters to cool down and take a step back from the situation before election day, and that there is no freaking way any of them would vote for Sarah Palin after she had been vetted by the press. He had to have known that such a polarizing figure would actually turn independents away. He had to have known that his selection would undermine the inexperience argument that his party had used so effectively against Senator Obama. He had to have known that even members of his own party would be turned away by her inability to speak to the press and her general lack of worldly knowledge and experience. Perhaps what he didn’t know was what a hypocrite this so-called maverick reformer would turn out to be, but it’s likely that he would’ve been able to foresee it even with what little time he had spent vetting her.
So why did he pick Sarah Palin unless he was setting his campaign up as a straw man? Kind of a reality check on the Republican base is my theory. A mirror never lies… and this particular mirror into the redneck base shows tells them “My God… do I sound like that? Is this what the rest of the world thinks of me?”
One could argue that the reason is that she has single handedly brought his campaign crashing, but if you pay attention to his body language, McCain himself appears disgusted by listening to Sarah Palin speak. He defends the media’s attacks on her very disingenuously.
Exhibit C: Straight Talk Express
As I mentioned earlier, John McCain has long been known for his no-holds-barred truthiness, media transparency, and his honor and integrity that includes not making personal attacks on his political opponents or using the same old Karl Rove fear tactics. So where did this series of personal attacks and media reclusiveness suddenly come from? Why would he hire the protege of Karl Rove, the man who destroyed his ambitions in 2000, as his political advisor? Evidently he knew that his honor and integrity is something that the independents and undecided voters hold in such great esteem as any other issue. So in an attempt to shake off any stragglers that would vote for him on that issue alone he would have to become a maverick unto himself and launch one of the most disgusting smear campaigns in history. If you pay attention to some of the rhetoric, however, something intriguing happens... his campaign informs the public that Barack Obama is "not who we think he is." Now... think about the people that are most susceptible to this type of smear attack. Who do you think they believe Barack Obama is? Some kind of terrorist! So when the McCain camp tells these people that Barack Obama is not who they think he is, they are really saying that he is not in fact a terrorist. Or this one: "We've got 'em right where we want 'em!" And where is that? Comfortably in the lead and halfway in the door of the White House?
Not satisfied that enough Independents and undecided voters would stray from him with these underhanded smear tactics, he realized he would have to flip-flop on several issues just to set himself up as even more of a hypocrite. On top of that even, he would need some real zingers for gaffes. For instance, the other day while campaigning in Western PA, in response to charges of voters in that area having racist attitudes, McCain said something along the lines of “As you may have heard, a lot of Obama’s supporters had some pretty nasty things to say about Western Pennsylvania…….. and I couldn’t agree more!” ZING! After a few bumbling attempts to correct his error, the crowd behind him looked absolutely pissed. In the immortal words of George W. Bush: “Mission Accomplished!”
Conclusion:
John McCain truly is an American hero. He was willing to set aside his ambitions of becoming a greater and more powerful man than either his father or his grandfather, both very highly touted Navy Admirals, so that he could do the right thing: give a swift[boat] kick in the ass to the party that has always disrespected his attempts to reach out across the aisle and unite this broken country. I salute you John McCain, and if I had said anything nasty about you this campaign season I beg of your forgiveness, for I was not lucid enough to see your true intentions. When John McCain says he always puts country first, now you know what he means.
“Why,” you may ask?
The answer is kind of drawn out an complicated, but I believe I’ve presented a solid case:
Exhibit A: Election 2000
If any of you followed politics before the 2000 Election, you may know that John McCain DID, indeed, build his reputation as a Maverick. He was a ‘take no bullshit, give no bullshit’ type of politician, which is a stance I can respect. It wasn’t until a few years after his defeat that he began to fall into step with his party and his president. He was one of the few republicans that I ever would have considered voting for, at least at the time (though if it would have been a Gore vs. McCain election, I would probably have still voted for Nader…)
As fate would have it though, the republican base was really fired up about the “crazy liberals” and their “blow job antics,” so they wanted a candidate endorsed by God himself. As the fairytale goes, George W. Bush was handpicked by God, and there’s no bigger endorsement than that! John McCain never stood a chance against that, particularly when W’s underhanded campaign strategies now famously known as the “Swiftboat Attacks” caused the longtime senator to second-guess the integrity of his party. Considering his long reputation of bucking his own party when it is at odds with his staunch personal beliefs (for instance, when he advocated strongly against Bush’s tax cuts for those making > $250k annually. I’m paraphrasing here, but he harped on how the tax cuts were unethical and unfair to the middle class, because trickle down economics only work in a vacuum where there doesn’t exist greed), McCain even flirted with the notion of jumping ship altogether and maybe declaring himself Independent or even switching to the Democratic party.
Enter Primary Season 2007-2008:
As we all know by now, this was an election cycle in which it would have been nearly impossible for any Republican candidate to win. Ok… maybe impossible is kind of a strong word considering that somehow W won a second term… but if any Republican stood a remote chance at holding the office it was John McCain with his long history of “maverickyness.” Just take a look at how he absolutely decimated his competition even within his own party, which is quite impressive considering how the GOP has historically been a little icy in regards to McCain because he often disagreed with them on some of their most non-issue issues.
As any political pundit could tell you, in the current electoral environment it is literally impossible for any candidate to take the office, given only the support of his/her base. It is necessary to win over the majority of independents and undecided (read: retarded) voters as well. This is something that the McCain of 2000 could have done very easily, and probably something he could have done very easily this cycle as well had he not chosen to become yet another drone in the Republican hamster wheel over the past several years (voting with Bush over 90% of the time). Hell… even with his recent departure from “maverickyness,” most of the voting public is too dumb to realize that a historical record of reform means nothing if the current attitude is lock-in-step to the party that even the most retarded of undecided voters know we need to remove from office. Furthermore, John McCain is not George W. Bush, as anyone can tell, thus it is not necessarily a given that the current policies would continue to lead us further into a downward spiral during his presidency, incumbent party or not.
John McCain was poised to win the election before it even started. The base of the republican party, a ravenous group of rednecks, would never in a million years vote for a black man (or even a half-black man for that matter). There would maybe be a few stragglers that dislike McCain enough to jump party or abstain from voting, but very likely not nearly enough to have any significant effect. So… John McCain had a secure base, a wealth of experience against one of the most inexperienced candidates in history, so all he needed to do was win over some independents: an easy task for a “maverick” like McCain, particularly if he chose an ex-Democrat liberal-leaning Independent such as Joe Lieberman (AKA douche, but once again I digress…) as had been speculated by many pundits to be the most likely choice, and probably his best shot at winning.
Exhibit B: Sarah Palin
So what does John McCain do? He panders to his base! If this was the John McCain of 2000, it may have been a wise idea, but given McCain’s most recent history of following his base, it really wasn’t necessary. Instead, McCain chose the most inexperienced, backwater, rifle-totin’est, moose-huntin’est, rootin’ tootin’ redneck woman in the national political arena as his running mate. At first glance it seemed as if it was all over for us liberals because of the sexist Hilary voters who would rather vote for another woman… ANY woman over a male candidate who shares their ideals but just so happened to defeat their messiah… even if that woman would seek to turn the women’s rights movement retrograde.
John McCain may not have the most impressive academic credentials, but he’s a frickin’ political dinosaur! He knows better than we do what he needed to do to win, regardless of how “out-of-touch” he is accused of being. If the Republican electorate machine were really so naïve, there is absolutely no way we would have seen a second term of W. He had to have known that there would be enough time for the women voters to cool down and take a step back from the situation before election day, and that there is no freaking way any of them would vote for Sarah Palin after she had been vetted by the press. He had to have known that such a polarizing figure would actually turn independents away. He had to have known that his selection would undermine the inexperience argument that his party had used so effectively against Senator Obama. He had to have known that even members of his own party would be turned away by her inability to speak to the press and her general lack of worldly knowledge and experience. Perhaps what he didn’t know was what a hypocrite this so-called maverick reformer would turn out to be, but it’s likely that he would’ve been able to foresee it even with what little time he had spent vetting her.
So why did he pick Sarah Palin unless he was setting his campaign up as a straw man? Kind of a reality check on the Republican base is my theory. A mirror never lies… and this particular mirror into the redneck base shows tells them “My God… do I sound like that? Is this what the rest of the world thinks of me?”
One could argue that the reason is that she has single handedly brought his campaign crashing, but if you pay attention to his body language, McCain himself appears disgusted by listening to Sarah Palin speak. He defends the media’s attacks on her very disingenuously.
Exhibit C: Straight Talk Express
As I mentioned earlier, John McCain has long been known for his no-holds-barred truthiness, media transparency, and his honor and integrity that includes not making personal attacks on his political opponents or using the same old Karl Rove fear tactics. So where did this series of personal attacks and media reclusiveness suddenly come from? Why would he hire the protege of Karl Rove, the man who destroyed his ambitions in 2000, as his political advisor? Evidently he knew that his honor and integrity is something that the independents and undecided voters hold in such great esteem as any other issue. So in an attempt to shake off any stragglers that would vote for him on that issue alone he would have to become a maverick unto himself and launch one of the most disgusting smear campaigns in history. If you pay attention to some of the rhetoric, however, something intriguing happens... his campaign informs the public that Barack Obama is "not who we think he is." Now... think about the people that are most susceptible to this type of smear attack. Who do you think they believe Barack Obama is? Some kind of terrorist! So when the McCain camp tells these people that Barack Obama is not who they think he is, they are really saying that he is not in fact a terrorist. Or this one: "We've got 'em right where we want 'em!" And where is that? Comfortably in the lead and halfway in the door of the White House?
Not satisfied that enough Independents and undecided voters would stray from him with these underhanded smear tactics, he realized he would have to flip-flop on several issues just to set himself up as even more of a hypocrite. On top of that even, he would need some real zingers for gaffes. For instance, the other day while campaigning in Western PA, in response to charges of voters in that area having racist attitudes, McCain said something along the lines of “As you may have heard, a lot of Obama’s supporters had some pretty nasty things to say about Western Pennsylvania…….. and I couldn’t agree more!” ZING! After a few bumbling attempts to correct his error, the crowd behind him looked absolutely pissed. In the immortal words of George W. Bush: “Mission Accomplished!”
Conclusion:
John McCain truly is an American hero. He was willing to set aside his ambitions of becoming a greater and more powerful man than either his father or his grandfather, both very highly touted Navy Admirals, so that he could do the right thing: give a swift[boat] kick in the ass to the party that has always disrespected his attempts to reach out across the aisle and unite this broken country. I salute you John McCain, and if I had said anything nasty about you this campaign season I beg of your forgiveness, for I was not lucid enough to see your true intentions. When John McCain says he always puts country first, now you know what he means.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
She's Baaaack... -- A Nature Documentary on the Black Widow
Just when we thought it was safe to sit back and relax, the gaze of the all-judging, all-seeing eye has once again fallen upon us. Its insatiable thirst for knowledge of our doings refuses to wane. In fact, in its absence during the early part of this week, it has only become all the more ravenous. Do not be fooled by the appearance of cataracts, for the eye sees not the light as does yours or mine, but instead it penetrates through skin and bone to read your soul. In the presence of the one called "Karen," one must think no evil nor speak of it. The guilefullness of this one is unmatched by any other known force in nature. Consider the Angler Fish, which uses a bio-luminescent appendage protruding out over its gaping maw to lure in a potential meal. The "Karen," on the other hand, is a more devious sort. The "Karen" itself presents no physical threat to its prey with its frail and aging 90 pound body. Instead, the "Karen" looks deep into one's soul, and if it senses even the faintest hint of evil intent, it will deploy a very potent form of psychically transmitted neurotoxin that transforms even the most headstrong of individuals into a threat unto itself. It tempts one into thinking evil thoughts, practically goading one into a self-destructive outburst... at which time the trap is already sprung, and all hope is lost: you have already made her shit-list.
The lure of the Angler Fish is easily avoidable to the experienced eye, but the "Karen," on the other hand, packs a full arsenal in the event that one weapons system should fail. If its excessively loud and obnoxious ringtone doesn't chide her prey into jumping across the cubicle to strangle what little life is left from her feeble frame, her piercing voice will launch a campaign of psychological warfare unmatched by any military force yet to be. The word "Scott" may seem harmless when uttered by you or I, but her grating tone causes stimuli in the brain to react in an unpredictable and often violent and inappropriate manner. Meanwhile, the "Karen" remains coiled in her cubicle, stenographers pad at hand, poised to strike by jotting down our misdeeds for a report to the hive mind in control of our operations here at Airlite.
Rather than an instant and painless kill, the "Karen" will slowly suffocate its prey with threats of job loss. With no source of income, the victim quietly starves itself while attempting to seek out a new source of employment amidst our complete failure of an economy until it eventually dies of malnourishment. The strike is unavoidable and boasts a 100% efficiency with its kill ratio. It is for this reason that the "Karen" is referred to as the Black Widow in certain circles.
The lure of the Angler Fish is easily avoidable to the experienced eye, but the "Karen," on the other hand, packs a full arsenal in the event that one weapons system should fail. If its excessively loud and obnoxious ringtone doesn't chide her prey into jumping across the cubicle to strangle what little life is left from her feeble frame, her piercing voice will launch a campaign of psychological warfare unmatched by any military force yet to be. The word "Scott" may seem harmless when uttered by you or I, but her grating tone causes stimuli in the brain to react in an unpredictable and often violent and inappropriate manner. Meanwhile, the "Karen" remains coiled in her cubicle, stenographers pad at hand, poised to strike by jotting down our misdeeds for a report to the hive mind in control of our operations here at Airlite.
Rather than an instant and painless kill, the "Karen" will slowly suffocate its prey with threats of job loss. With no source of income, the victim quietly starves itself while attempting to seek out a new source of employment amidst our complete failure of an economy until it eventually dies of malnourishment. The strike is unavoidable and boasts a 100% efficiency with its kill ratio. It is for this reason that the "Karen" is referred to as the Black Widow in certain circles.
Pork Barreling Much?
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/10/22/earlyshow/main4538064.shtml
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/P/PALIN_FAMILY_TRAVEL?SITE=AP&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT
Can you say H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-T-E?
Sarah Palin famously attempted to sell her private Governor's jet on eBay because she thought the tax payers of Alaska shouldn't have to pay for it. On the other hand, she has no problem charging her tax payers for her kids to jet-set around the States with her or having her tax payers put them up in luxurious hotels for several nights. Is this how it's going to be if the McCain ticket wins their bid for the White House (which thankfully would only happen if video evidence of Obama murdering infants while sitting around with his terrorist pals, using $100 bills to light his crack pipe surfaces... but I digress) ...? Are we going to have Sarah Palin meeting with various world leaders, kids in tow? Somehow I don't think Putin would find it very "cute," doncha know?
Also... $150,000 on wardrobe paid for by the RNC since Palin was announced as the VP pick several weeks ago? That's roughly 4 times what we EARN in a year spent on designer clothing and accessories in just a few months. Hmm... how quaint. You really think she connects with Joe-Six-Pack just because she likes to shoot stuff and poop out a new child every other year? Get real... /end rant
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/P/PALIN_FAMILY_TRAVEL?SITE=AP&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT
Can you say H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-T-E?
Sarah Palin famously attempted to sell her private Governor's jet on eBay because she thought the tax payers of Alaska shouldn't have to pay for it. On the other hand, she has no problem charging her tax payers for her kids to jet-set around the States with her or having her tax payers put them up in luxurious hotels for several nights. Is this how it's going to be if the McCain ticket wins their bid for the White House (which thankfully would only happen if video evidence of Obama murdering infants while sitting around with his terrorist pals, using $100 bills to light his crack pipe surfaces... but I digress) ...? Are we going to have Sarah Palin meeting with various world leaders, kids in tow? Somehow I don't think Putin would find it very "cute," doncha know?
Also... $150,000 on wardrobe paid for by the RNC since Palin was announced as the VP pick several weeks ago? That's roughly 4 times what we EARN in a year spent on designer clothing and accessories in just a few months. Hmm... how quaint. You really think she connects with Joe-Six-Pack just because she likes to shoot stuff and poop out a new child every other year? Get real... /end rant
Monday, October 20, 2008
Walking a Mile in Karen’s Orthopedic Shoes – Part III of III
12:35 PM: Several of those cartographer riff-raff just returned from their lunch break. They took longer than an hour! Personally, I’ve never stayed around late enough to make sure they round out their full 8 hours a day, but it’s very unlikely they do, so it’s going in my report. Furthermore, whenever they come back through the door they’re a hootin’ and a hollerin’ about something that’s probably inappropriate for the workplace… most likely because they have freshened up their buzz from the morning with a few drinks over lunch. I haven’t ever smelled booze on them, but the sin is clearly written on their faces, so I can feel just in my accusations.
12:40 PM: Now they are all just sitting around like a bunch of bumps on a log, all of them moaning about how they didn’t want to come back to work, or they don’t feel like doing anything for the rest of the day other than crosswords. Should have thought about that before you went through that gallon of whiskey before noon!
1:00 PM: The whippersnappers have all but gone to sleep for now. Just a few quiet clicks here and there, but not much shouting. They probably aren’t doing any work, but it’s still nice to have some quiet. I’ll let this one pass… for now.
1:30 PM: That heavy-set fellow from the backroom has come to use our printer 3 times in the past half hour! Not only is he using up all of our ink, toner, and paper, but he is wasting our time when we have to wait 30 seconds for his stuff to finish printing before our stuff does. Doesn’t he know that since we’ve been here longer that our jobs are more important?! Besides… anybody that heavy is obviously a sinner.
1:45 PM: Now the dark-skinned fellow from the backroom keeps coming to use the printer. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there’s something I don’t trust about him. For some reason, even when he smiles at me, I feel scared for my safety.
2:00 PM: Now it’s the backroom fellow with the gangly ape arms keeps coming in to use our printer. Why can’t they get their own? I’m not using it now, but I would be absolutely livid if I had to wait behind a monkey! God made humans better than monkeys, therefore I shouldn’t have to wait behind one!
2:30 PM: We’re running low on boxes... Who’s ass do I have to ream around here to get somebody to ream Kathleen’s ass for more boxes?
2:45 PM: The one called "Jason" has been folding an armada of paper airplanes ever since he got back from lunch, and he is just now beginning to launch a full scale invasion into the cubicle next door. I knew I had to keep an eye out on this one.
3:00 PM: What a bittersweet time of day. Since I get here earlier than them, I get to leave earlier, but that means that the children will go unsupervised for a while. Don’t get me wrong, I love stapling documents together and arranging them in boxes, but I have a set of knitting needles, a bible, and a house full of cats waiting for me at home (oh… and my asshole husband too, the stupid prick). Also, I am free from the torment of watching these clowns play with paper airplanes and rubber bands. Unfortunately these joys are always overshadowed by the haunting thoughts that I can’t shake out the back of my head during my free time: what kind of evil are those children up to after I leave? Do they even stay after I leave? Who keeps stealing the rubber finger tips from my desk? Are they laughing about me right now? I’m just going to have to assume that my deepest fears are hard fact and include them in my report… just in case. At least until I can get my spy cameras set up.
3:05 PM: Whew… I made it to my car without any black people asking me if I had any cigarettes or change. Another successful day that I can consider myself lucky to still be alive.
3:20 PM: Ahh, home… now I have two hours to read the bible cover to cover, practice the piano for Sunday service, knit a hideous sweater for my grandchild, curl up with Mr. Snuggles, and flagellate my husband for whatever petty mistakes he’s made before it’s my bedtime and I have to wake up and do it all over again.
12:40 PM: Now they are all just sitting around like a bunch of bumps on a log, all of them moaning about how they didn’t want to come back to work, or they don’t feel like doing anything for the rest of the day other than crosswords. Should have thought about that before you went through that gallon of whiskey before noon!
1:00 PM: The whippersnappers have all but gone to sleep for now. Just a few quiet clicks here and there, but not much shouting. They probably aren’t doing any work, but it’s still nice to have some quiet. I’ll let this one pass… for now.
1:30 PM: That heavy-set fellow from the backroom has come to use our printer 3 times in the past half hour! Not only is he using up all of our ink, toner, and paper, but he is wasting our time when we have to wait 30 seconds for his stuff to finish printing before our stuff does. Doesn’t he know that since we’ve been here longer that our jobs are more important?! Besides… anybody that heavy is obviously a sinner.
1:45 PM: Now the dark-skinned fellow from the backroom keeps coming to use the printer. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there’s something I don’t trust about him. For some reason, even when he smiles at me, I feel scared for my safety.
2:00 PM: Now it’s the backroom fellow with the gangly ape arms keeps coming in to use our printer. Why can’t they get their own? I’m not using it now, but I would be absolutely livid if I had to wait behind a monkey! God made humans better than monkeys, therefore I shouldn’t have to wait behind one!
2:30 PM: We’re running low on boxes... Who’s ass do I have to ream around here to get somebody to ream Kathleen’s ass for more boxes?
2:45 PM: The one called "Jason" has been folding an armada of paper airplanes ever since he got back from lunch, and he is just now beginning to launch a full scale invasion into the cubicle next door. I knew I had to keep an eye out on this one.
3:00 PM: What a bittersweet time of day. Since I get here earlier than them, I get to leave earlier, but that means that the children will go unsupervised for a while. Don’t get me wrong, I love stapling documents together and arranging them in boxes, but I have a set of knitting needles, a bible, and a house full of cats waiting for me at home (oh… and my asshole husband too, the stupid prick). Also, I am free from the torment of watching these clowns play with paper airplanes and rubber bands. Unfortunately these joys are always overshadowed by the haunting thoughts that I can’t shake out the back of my head during my free time: what kind of evil are those children up to after I leave? Do they even stay after I leave? Who keeps stealing the rubber finger tips from my desk? Are they laughing about me right now? I’m just going to have to assume that my deepest fears are hard fact and include them in my report… just in case. At least until I can get my spy cameras set up.
3:05 PM: Whew… I made it to my car without any black people asking me if I had any cigarettes or change. Another successful day that I can consider myself lucky to still be alive.
3:20 PM: Ahh, home… now I have two hours to read the bible cover to cover, practice the piano for Sunday service, knit a hideous sweater for my grandchild, curl up with Mr. Snuggles, and flagellate my husband for whatever petty mistakes he’s made before it’s my bedtime and I have to wake up and do it all over again.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Walking a Mile in Karen’s Orthopedic Shoes – Part II of III
9:00 AM: My spying on that surly bunch of cartographers was interrupted by an announcement that we are not to park in front of the building. I brought up my concerns about being mugged in the extra 100 feet it would take me to walk from the parking lot to the building… after all, one of those filthy scoundrels asked me if I had a cigarette the other day… A CIGARETTE! Can you believe those people? The solution? Now I have to ask one of those juvenile cartographers to escort me to my car. I would just as much like to stay away from those youngsters as I would the bums across the street!
9:01 AM: While I was busy rambling about my parking situation just a minute ago, I almost missed something. I’ve got to remain more composed and vigilant. Anyway, the flatulent one called “Dan” cranked the thermostat down to 74. How does he expect us to work under such frigid conditions? This is going in my report. Note to self: send Dan a copy of my doctor’s bill after I’ve been diagnosed with pneumonia.
9:30 AM: That degenerate who, for some reason or another, has more authority than I do, farted yet again. The giggling that ensued was very distracting to my work of stapling documents together. I didn’t hear anything specific, but I’ll just have to assume that there was a slanderous comment about me involved as well.
9:45 AM: My co-workers have attempted to distract me with enticing conversations about sump pumps and country music. As much as the thought of George Strait pumping flood water from my basement ironically gets me a bit moist downstairs *ohhh*, I don’t want to miss any goings-on over on the other side of the room, so I try to brush off the conversation under the pretense that “I am busy working.”
10:00 AM: Their hangovers and drug overdoses must be wearing off on them, because they are now starting to wake up a bit and talking to each other over there. I’m getting out my tape recorder just in case I miss something good for my report.
10:05 AM: I just saw one of them put a box on the shelf where it doesn’t belong. Now I’m going to have to take a break from my important work to ream their ass! On top of that, he has his headphones on and somehow can’t even hear my penetrating voice through the sound of his devil music. So now I have to take even more time away from my duties with the UP-CIA just so I can drag him by the ear all the way back to see what he did wrong.
10:15 AM: It appears that they are doing a crossword puzzle instead of working. Furthermore, I keep hearing lewd remarks about how “15 Down is NOT boobies, Dan!” Golly! I just can’t believe that people would speak of unmentionables in such a loud and casual manner.
10:40 AM: What a crass bunch… they are no longer even trying to pretend that they are doing work. I see those screen savers! Not only that, but they are using some sort of code language that I haven’t quite deciphered. “Sea of Gravy,” “Radial Raft,” “Beef Stew.” I think it must be their esoteric language for: “let’s take a two and a half hour lunch so we can drink liquor and smoke drugs.”
10:45 AM: I went over to talk to Scott so I could give him a half time report and voice my concerns in regards to our office security. For being the big boss, he sure doesn’t act in a very authoritative manner when he shrugs me off.
11:00 AM: After I briefed Scott on their activity so far today, he immediately walked over to Dan’s cubicle, presumably to ream his ass! That’ll show him! Scott is an awfully quiet ass reamer, and quite amiable I might add, but effective nonetheless. After a few whispers and chuckles, their activity peters out if only for a short while. Don’t get me wrong, though, I have only won a decisive battle in a much larger war.
11:05 AM: Finally a few hours of peace and quiet now that the “problem” bunch has left for lunch break. I’ve noted the exact time of departure for my full report. In the mean time, I will take my own lunch down to my secretary’s desk at the foot of the stairs so I can make sure I will know exactly how long they took for break, and because I know it makes them fear my power even more to see me seated there. My report will resume upon their return, of course.
9:01 AM: While I was busy rambling about my parking situation just a minute ago, I almost missed something. I’ve got to remain more composed and vigilant. Anyway, the flatulent one called “Dan” cranked the thermostat down to 74. How does he expect us to work under such frigid conditions? This is going in my report. Note to self: send Dan a copy of my doctor’s bill after I’ve been diagnosed with pneumonia.
9:30 AM: That degenerate who, for some reason or another, has more authority than I do, farted yet again. The giggling that ensued was very distracting to my work of stapling documents together. I didn’t hear anything specific, but I’ll just have to assume that there was a slanderous comment about me involved as well.
9:45 AM: My co-workers have attempted to distract me with enticing conversations about sump pumps and country music. As much as the thought of George Strait pumping flood water from my basement ironically gets me a bit moist downstairs *ohhh*, I don’t want to miss any goings-on over on the other side of the room, so I try to brush off the conversation under the pretense that “I am busy working.”
10:00 AM: Their hangovers and drug overdoses must be wearing off on them, because they are now starting to wake up a bit and talking to each other over there. I’m getting out my tape recorder just in case I miss something good for my report.
10:05 AM: I just saw one of them put a box on the shelf where it doesn’t belong. Now I’m going to have to take a break from my important work to ream their ass! On top of that, he has his headphones on and somehow can’t even hear my penetrating voice through the sound of his devil music. So now I have to take even more time away from my duties with the UP-CIA just so I can drag him by the ear all the way back to see what he did wrong.
10:15 AM: It appears that they are doing a crossword puzzle instead of working. Furthermore, I keep hearing lewd remarks about how “15 Down is NOT boobies, Dan!” Golly! I just can’t believe that people would speak of unmentionables in such a loud and casual manner.
10:40 AM: What a crass bunch… they are no longer even trying to pretend that they are doing work. I see those screen savers! Not only that, but they are using some sort of code language that I haven’t quite deciphered. “Sea of Gravy,” “Radial Raft,” “Beef Stew.” I think it must be their esoteric language for: “let’s take a two and a half hour lunch so we can drink liquor and smoke drugs.”
10:45 AM: I went over to talk to Scott so I could give him a half time report and voice my concerns in regards to our office security. For being the big boss, he sure doesn’t act in a very authoritative manner when he shrugs me off.
11:00 AM: After I briefed Scott on their activity so far today, he immediately walked over to Dan’s cubicle, presumably to ream his ass! That’ll show him! Scott is an awfully quiet ass reamer, and quite amiable I might add, but effective nonetheless. After a few whispers and chuckles, their activity peters out if only for a short while. Don’t get me wrong, though, I have only won a decisive battle in a much larger war.
11:05 AM: Finally a few hours of peace and quiet now that the “problem” bunch has left for lunch break. I’ve noted the exact time of departure for my full report. In the mean time, I will take my own lunch down to my secretary’s desk at the foot of the stairs so I can make sure I will know exactly how long they took for break, and because I know it makes them fear my power even more to see me seated there. My report will resume upon their return, of course.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Walking a Mile in Karen’s Orthopedic Shoes – Part I of III
5:00 AM: My gosh… I really slept in today. I must’ve had one too many soda pops last night, may God forgive me.
5:30 AM: I tell ya what. That neighbor fellow’s rooster calls every day at the same time. I have half a mind to go over next door and complain about it to his wife behind his back. I’m sick of having to hear it every morning while I get ready for work. If I needed a signal to remind me what time it was every morning, I’d just trust in Old Faithful... which is what my husband refers to my colon as after I’ve had my daily prune juice.
5:35 AM: My husband left the garage door open again last night. I swear... sometimes I wonder if he realizes that we have Mexicans living around here.
5:55 AM: It’s pitch dark outside the Airlite today. I’m going to have to remember to write an angry note to replace the lightbulb in the parking lot. In the meantime I’ll just park right here in front of the building, even though I’ve been told not to on several occasions. If they have a problem with it, I’ll just tell THEM to risk getting outside of their vehicle when it’s dark out and there are black people around. From what I’ve heard about them on the National Geographic channel, they don’t wake up until after noon, but I just don’t have that much faith in science.
6:00 AM: When I walked in the building, everything was dark, and my night vision isn’t quite what it used to be, so when I flipped on the lightswitch I was startled to find the one they call “Jason” already sitting at his desk, not doing anything of course. After prying for several minutes, I discovered that he sometimes works for UPS in the mornings and comes straight here. I’ll have to keep an eye on him today, because there’s something that just doesn’t feel right about this one… the one that stands out as a miscreant among a group full of degenerates…
6:15 AM: He scratched his head. Is that some sort of sign of aggression against me? I don’t know, but the gesture has been duly noted…
6:15:35 AM: He cleared his throat. No doubt he is making fun of me in some way. Doug will definitely be hearing about this.
7:00 AM: After spending the last hour on high alert, I am relieved to see some of my colleagues have finally started to arrive for the day. When it was just me and that young man I was worried for my life and my purity, but now I have strength in numbers.
8:00 AM: Bitched about my husband to my co-workers for an hour. As usual, they reaffirmed my suspicions that he is a big dumb oaf incapable of doing anything right.
8:30 AM: Those lazy cartographers are just now starting to filter in… late as usual. They all look like they just smoked drugs before they rolled out of bed and straight into work. If they’re not high then they are DEFINITELY hung over. I’m noting the time and possible affliction of each cartographer as they enter the door for my daily report.
5:30 AM: I tell ya what. That neighbor fellow’s rooster calls every day at the same time. I have half a mind to go over next door and complain about it to his wife behind his back. I’m sick of having to hear it every morning while I get ready for work. If I needed a signal to remind me what time it was every morning, I’d just trust in Old Faithful... which is what my husband refers to my colon as after I’ve had my daily prune juice.
5:35 AM: My husband left the garage door open again last night. I swear... sometimes I wonder if he realizes that we have Mexicans living around here.
5:55 AM: It’s pitch dark outside the Airlite today. I’m going to have to remember to write an angry note to replace the lightbulb in the parking lot. In the meantime I’ll just park right here in front of the building, even though I’ve been told not to on several occasions. If they have a problem with it, I’ll just tell THEM to risk getting outside of their vehicle when it’s dark out and there are black people around. From what I’ve heard about them on the National Geographic channel, they don’t wake up until after noon, but I just don’t have that much faith in science.
6:00 AM: When I walked in the building, everything was dark, and my night vision isn’t quite what it used to be, so when I flipped on the lightswitch I was startled to find the one they call “Jason” already sitting at his desk, not doing anything of course. After prying for several minutes, I discovered that he sometimes works for UPS in the mornings and comes straight here. I’ll have to keep an eye on him today, because there’s something that just doesn’t feel right about this one… the one that stands out as a miscreant among a group full of degenerates…
6:15 AM: He scratched his head. Is that some sort of sign of aggression against me? I don’t know, but the gesture has been duly noted…
6:15:35 AM: He cleared his throat. No doubt he is making fun of me in some way. Doug will definitely be hearing about this.
7:00 AM: After spending the last hour on high alert, I am relieved to see some of my colleagues have finally started to arrive for the day. When it was just me and that young man I was worried for my life and my purity, but now I have strength in numbers.
8:00 AM: Bitched about my husband to my co-workers for an hour. As usual, they reaffirmed my suspicions that he is a big dumb oaf incapable of doing anything right.
8:30 AM: Those lazy cartographers are just now starting to filter in… late as usual. They all look like they just smoked drugs before they rolled out of bed and straight into work. If they’re not high then they are DEFINITELY hung over. I’m noting the time and possible affliction of each cartographer as they enter the door for my daily report.
Doomed to repeat...
The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance. -- Cicero , 55 BC, ROME
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Hmm
This is awkward... 4 more years of publicity hugs like this... no thanks...
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26612340/
"I think he just rubbed old man sweat all over me.. hehe"
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
All Hail...
There are few in the Airlite that possess the kind of power that the General does. His steadfast leadership has helped guide us through the dark times. When he moves on it will be a great loss for the Airlite Nine. We can only hope that someone... will step in to fill the void that he leaves behind... Maybe the H3sford will be the next great leader of the Nine... We will have to wait to find out...Monday, October 6, 2008
New Proposal...
Having recently noticed the excess upperlip hair growth on Aaron...I propose...
The Office Moustache Contest
No goatees are allowed, must be full 1980 Moustache...or one from previous era in history...handlebar...etc.
Points will be based on, style, creativity, coverage (Thats right Patches H3sford...) and length.
Winner shall recieve a bragging rights, a $20 gift certificate to anywhere they choose (Best Buy, Etc) and a Gillette Mach3 Razor... to shave the fugly thing off.
Contest begins... as soon as you can start the growth... and damn it... Aaron is already ahead.
Friday, October 3, 2008
I could definitely see the benefits to this...
Here's a simple plan that I really like- it makes a lot more sense than what Washington is talking about-
To my fellow Americans...... I'm against the $85,000,000,000 bailout of AIG. Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America ina We Deserve It Dividend. To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 ± counting every man, womanand child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up. So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as aWe Deserve It Dividend. Of course, it would NOT be tax free.So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam. But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket.A husband and wife has $595,000. What would you do with $297,500 to $595,000 in your family?Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.Repay college loans - what a great boost to new gradsPut away money for college - it'll be thereSave in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.Buy a new car - create jobsInvest in the market - capital drives growthPay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improvesEnable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folkswho lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other companythat is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces. If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead oftrickling out a puny $1000 ('vote buy') economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President. If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U SCitizen 18+! As for AIG - liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General.Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up. Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't. Sure it's a crazy idea that can 'never work.' But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom? I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in WashingtonDC. And remember, this plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam. Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.
Timothy J. Wilson
Program Services Unit ManagerBER- Surface Mining Section
Kansas Department of Health and Environment
4033 Parkview Drive
Frontenac , KS 66763
(620) 231-8540
To my fellow Americans...... I'm against the $85,000,000,000 bailout of AIG. Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America ina We Deserve It Dividend. To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 ± counting every man, womanand child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up. So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as aWe Deserve It Dividend. Of course, it would NOT be tax free.So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam. But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket.A husband and wife has $595,000. What would you do with $297,500 to $595,000 in your family?Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.Repay college loans - what a great boost to new gradsPut away money for college - it'll be thereSave in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.Buy a new car - create jobsInvest in the market - capital drives growthPay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improvesEnable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folkswho lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other companythat is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces. If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead oftrickling out a puny $1000 ('vote buy') economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President. If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U SCitizen 18+! As for AIG - liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General.Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up. Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't. Sure it's a crazy idea that can 'never work.' But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom? I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in WashingtonDC. And remember, this plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam. Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.
Timothy J. Wilson
Program Services Unit ManagerBER- Surface Mining Section
Kansas Department of Health and Environment
4033 Parkview Drive
Frontenac , KS 66763
(620) 231-8540
Thursday, October 2, 2008
The Waiting Game
"Why did I even come into work today?" I wondered after sitting at my desk for an hour... my desk that is currently devoid of agreements to locate. The old chickenheads known as "the reviewers" have spent so much time squawking amongst themselves this morning that they seem to have forgotten that we are dependent on them to keep our hands from staying idle. Perhaps this is what they want? If we appear to be sitting around twiddling our thumbs all day then surely we will end up doing something stupid out of boredom which they could later report to their Overlords.
Yesterday was so uneventful that I wasn't able to come up with any fodder for my daily narrative, and today is shaping to be even slower with a total lack of productivity. I can't possibly imagine that I'll manage to keep my mind engaged for another seven hours with only the aide of the weblog and a few crossword puzzles. I have no desire to return to the fringe of the information super highway, as I have already witnessed the desolation and horror that exists when one wades out past the civilized areas of the internet and beyond all of the porno and myspace garbage.
I fear for my job security when all that's left to do is to peg Chicken Little in the back of the head with a projectile shot from my trusty rubber band. Perhaps that is another strategy employed by "the reviewers." If we have nothing else to do, maybe a rift will form amongst our ranks, causing us to crumble from within in the midst of civil warfare. Cartographers fighting cartographers in a war that could possibly destroy all of mankind, or at the very least leave a few little red marks on each other where we have make direct hits with rubber fingertip bullets.
Further adding to our discomfort and irritability, it is hotter than a nutsac in a sauna in this place. This might just be the day that finally breaks us. If I never get the chance to say it again, "I have loved and honored your friendship, Airlite 9ers."
Yesterday was so uneventful that I wasn't able to come up with any fodder for my daily narrative, and today is shaping to be even slower with a total lack of productivity. I can't possibly imagine that I'll manage to keep my mind engaged for another seven hours with only the aide of the weblog and a few crossword puzzles. I have no desire to return to the fringe of the information super highway, as I have already witnessed the desolation and horror that exists when one wades out past the civilized areas of the internet and beyond all of the porno and myspace garbage.
I fear for my job security when all that's left to do is to peg Chicken Little in the back of the head with a projectile shot from my trusty rubber band. Perhaps that is another strategy employed by "the reviewers." If we have nothing else to do, maybe a rift will form amongst our ranks, causing us to crumble from within in the midst of civil warfare. Cartographers fighting cartographers in a war that could possibly destroy all of mankind, or at the very least leave a few little red marks on each other where we have make direct hits with rubber fingertip bullets.
Further adding to our discomfort and irritability, it is hotter than a nutsac in a sauna in this place. This might just be the day that finally breaks us. If I never get the chance to say it again, "I have loved and honored your friendship, Airlite 9ers."
Hypocracy... "What's 15 Down...and no Dan...it's not Boobies"
I sit here at this early hour, diligently working away on my agreements, my headphones are fit snugly into my ears bringing me the local morning talk radio... and yet I can still hear them... the three female "reviewers" cackling away on the opposite side of the room. I cant help but to thinkabout how they complain at "loudness" in the afternoon, and yet the morning, generally a time reserved for quiet, they feel they need to practically yell about their "fun filled lives". As if anyone else wants to hear about dencher cream, panty hose, or how their husbands (the poor bastards) left the garage door open the night before. I only hope that we can learn from this, "The Greatest Generation", in that when we get old, we take the revolver out of the desk drawer, and shoot the old women... I mean who wants to look at those saggy old bodies anyway... bring on some 20-something co-eds.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Dumbass...
Garmin GPS..........$250
Can of Redbull.......$3
Bag of Funyuns.....$0.99
Lack of Common Sense...100%
Following your GPS rather than using your head....Priceless
http://www.switched.com/2008/09/30/gps-sends-another-driver-onto-train-tracks-of-doom/?icid=100214839x1210151909x1200656508
Can of Redbull.......$3
Bag of Funyuns.....$0.99
Lack of Common Sense...100%
Following your GPS rather than using your head....Priceless
http://www.switched.com/2008/09/30/gps-sends-another-driver-onto-train-tracks-of-doom/?icid=100214839x1210151909x1200656508
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