Walking a Mile in Karen’s Orthopedic Shoes – Part II of III

9:00 AM: My spying on that surly bunch of cartographers was interrupted by an announcement that we are not to park in front of the building. I brought up my concerns about being mugged in the extra 100 feet it would take me to walk from the parking lot to the building… after all, one of those filthy scoundrels asked me if I had a cigarette the other day… A CIGARETTE! Can you believe those people? The solution? Now I have to ask one of those juvenile cartographers to escort me to my car. I would just as much like to stay away from those youngsters as I would the bums across the street!

9:01 AM: While I was busy rambling about my parking situation just a minute ago, I almost missed something. I’ve got to remain more composed and vigilant. Anyway, the flatulent one called “Dan” cranked the thermostat down to 74. How does he expect us to work under such frigid conditions? This is going in my report. Note to self: send Dan a copy of my doctor’s bill after I’ve been diagnosed with pneumonia.

9:30 AM: That degenerate who, for some reason or another, has more authority than I do, farted yet again. The giggling that ensued was very distracting to my work of stapling documents together. I didn’t hear anything specific, but I’ll just have to assume that there was a slanderous comment about me involved as well.

9:45 AM: My co-workers have attempted to distract me with enticing conversations about sump pumps and country music. As much as the thought of George Strait pumping flood water from my basement ironically gets me a bit moist downstairs *ohhh*, I don’t want to miss any goings-on over on the other side of the room, so I try to brush off the conversation under the pretense that “I am busy working.”

10:00 AM: Their hangovers and drug overdoses must be wearing off on them, because they are now starting to wake up a bit and talking to each other over there. I’m getting out my tape recorder just in case I miss something good for my report.

10:05 AM: I just saw one of them put a box on the shelf where it doesn’t belong. Now I’m going to have to take a break from my important work to ream their ass! On top of that, he has his headphones on and somehow can’t even hear my penetrating voice through the sound of his devil music. So now I have to take even more time away from my duties with the UP-CIA just so I can drag him by the ear all the way back to see what he did wrong.

10:15 AM: It appears that they are doing a crossword puzzle instead of working. Furthermore, I keep hearing lewd remarks about how “15 Down is NOT boobies, Dan!” Golly! I just can’t believe that people would speak of unmentionables in such a loud and casual manner.

10:40 AM: What a crass bunch… they are no longer even trying to pretend that they are doing work. I see those screen savers! Not only that, but they are using some sort of code language that I haven’t quite deciphered. “Sea of Gravy,” “Radial Raft,” “Beef Stew.” I think it must be their esoteric language for: “let’s take a two and a half hour lunch so we can drink liquor and smoke drugs.”

10:45 AM: I went over to talk to Scott so I could give him a half time report and voice my concerns in regards to our office security. For being the big boss, he sure doesn’t act in a very authoritative manner when he shrugs me off.

11:00 AM: After I briefed Scott on their activity so far today, he immediately walked over to Dan’s cubicle, presumably to ream his ass! That’ll show him! Scott is an awfully quiet ass reamer, and quite amiable I might add, but effective nonetheless. After a few whispers and chuckles, their activity peters out if only for a short while. Don’t get me wrong, though, I have only won a decisive battle in a much larger war.

11:05 AM: Finally a few hours of peace and quiet now that the “problem” bunch has left for lunch break. I’ve noted the exact time of departure for my full report. In the mean time, I will take my own lunch down to my secretary’s desk at the foot of the stairs so I can make sure I will know exactly how long they took for break, and because I know it makes them fear my power even more to see me seated there. My report will resume upon their return, of course.