Walking a Mile in Karen’s Orthopedic Shoes – Part I of III

5:00 AM: My gosh… I really slept in today. I must’ve had one too many soda pops last night, may God forgive me.

5:30 AM: I tell ya what. That neighbor fellow’s rooster calls every day at the same time. I have half a mind to go over next door and complain about it to his wife behind his back. I’m sick of having to hear it every morning while I get ready for work. If I needed a signal to remind me what time it was every morning, I’d just trust in Old Faithful... which is what my husband refers to my colon as after I’ve had my daily prune juice.

5:35 AM: My husband left the garage door open again last night. I swear... sometimes I wonder if he realizes that we have Mexicans living around here.

5:55 AM: It’s pitch dark outside the Airlite today. I’m going to have to remember to write an angry note to replace the lightbulb in the parking lot. In the meantime I’ll just park right here in front of the building, even though I’ve been told not to on several occasions. If they have a problem with it, I’ll just tell THEM to risk getting outside of their vehicle when it’s dark out and there are black people around. From what I’ve heard about them on the National Geographic channel, they don’t wake up until after noon, but I just don’t have that much faith in science.

6:00 AM: When I walked in the building, everything was dark, and my night vision isn’t quite what it used to be, so when I flipped on the lightswitch I was startled to find the one they call “Jason” already sitting at his desk, not doing anything of course. After prying for several minutes, I discovered that he sometimes works for UPS in the mornings and comes straight here. I’ll have to keep an eye on him today, because there’s something that just doesn’t feel right about this one… the one that stands out as a miscreant among a group full of degenerates…

6:15 AM: He scratched his head. Is that some sort of sign of aggression against me? I don’t know, but the gesture has been duly noted…

6:15:35 AM: He cleared his throat. No doubt he is making fun of me in some way. Doug will definitely be hearing about this.

7:00 AM: After spending the last hour on high alert, I am relieved to see some of my colleagues have finally started to arrive for the day. When it was just me and that young man I was worried for my life and my purity, but now I have strength in numbers.

8:00 AM: Bitched about my husband to my co-workers for an hour. As usual, they reaffirmed my suspicions that he is a big dumb oaf incapable of doing anything right.

8:30 AM: Those lazy cartographers are just now starting to filter in… late as usual. They all look like they just smoked drugs before they rolled out of bed and straight into work. If they’re not high then they are DEFINITELY hung over. I’m noting the time and possible affliction of each cartographer as they enter the door for my daily report.